Daily Steps On Our Road to Recovery for Week of 12 May 2003

Published Last Week. Page Down, for each day that is added a day at a time

Monday 12 May 2003

The Good Life is recovery from Arousal and Erectile Disorders.

DSM [302.72] "Female Sexual Arousal Disorder" is about a persistent failure to experience lubrication and swelling from sexual excitement. [302.72] "Male Erectile Disorder" is about a persistent failure to experience an erection from sexual excitement. Interestingly the DSM gave both the male and female disorders the same number. Of course it is the same problem. The physical sexual system is not responding in the expected way. The mental system has some blocks in it and sometimes the physical system has represented these blocks physically. As many have noted, the sexual organ is the brain. We have a biological imperative deep in the oldest parts of our brain. We are rarely conscious of this part of our mind. These disorders usually happen after some time after puberty.

The usual case is that after many years, the disorder happens in males. That usually comes from what they have put in their minds. Their biological imperative can mask their more subtle feelings for quite a while. The biological imperative of the female is to have a safe nest for her children.

That is a more complex biological imperative. That is why they need to feel safe and loved and deeply connected to their mate. That is why they may experience the "disorder" earlier or even have it from the first. Their biological needs for safety, love and connection have not yet been met. Keep in mind that males have these needs, they are just more secondary. Keep in mind that females have the male need for physical connection, it is just more secondary.

So what are these blocks, dams in the mind, to normal functioning? They are just that, damns. Curses we have put on ourselves. Curses that can be removed by blessings. How many negative things have we said and thought? Research says that these are a lot. So how many blessings are we going to need to say and think? A lot. At least one more blessing, than the curses that we have done.

Tuesday 13 May 2003

The Good Life is recovery from Inhibited Orgasm.

DSM [302.73] "Inhibited Female Orgasm" and [302.74] "Inhibited Male Orgasm" are defined as just not getting to the orgasm phase in a normal sexual experience. The male and female "disorders" are given different numbers and have somewhat different descriptions since there is a greater range of patterns in females. In any case, when we are not experiencing the full experience we have managed to block some of the experience. We can have some conscious or unconscious fears of the full orgasmic experience. In fact parts of the orgasm experience, like rapid heart beat can be fearful to some, as that is one of the symptoms of fear itself. We can choose to call the orgasmic experience excitement or fear. The truth is that we are experiencing a closer experience with our life energies. There once were temple prostitutes in some religions that were there to provoke our experience of our life energies as sacred. They are sacred.

Some of the fears that block our full experience of life may come from conscious or unconscious guilts. That is why the generic spiritual practice of forgiveness becoming a habit, is so important to recovery from any "disorder". That is why the generic spiritual practice of assertiveness becoming a habit, is so important to recovery from any "disorder". That is why the generic spiritual practice of learning how to love all, becoming a habit, is so important to recovery from any "disorder". That is why the generic spiritual practice of learning how to cooperate with others, teamworking, becoming a habit, is so important to recovery from any "disorder".

So, invoking what ever you call the whole holy spirit, before a sexual experience, or any experience, can be a new habit, for our generic spiritual habits.

Wednesday 14 May 2003

The Good Life is recovery from Premature Ejaculation.

DSM [302.75] "Premature Ejaculation" is defined as ejaculation with too little stimulation. That is ejaculation before the person wants to. Here we have one part of the system being easily aroused and stimulated and another part of the system needing more arousal and stimulation.

This is a good catch all "disorder". Most males experience this and most females would like to send most males to therapist to change this "disorder". One amusing thing is that the females are part of the family system and have great influence on changing the system to perform more like they like. They also have great influence on making the system response worse or keeping the system like it is working with premature ejaculation. The amount of influence that they have is shown where there was an opposite "disorder". The males were impotent. The doctors gave estrogen to the females in each family system. Over 90% of the males became potent and recovered from their "disorder".

One way to reduce the male's sensitivity that could work for some couples is for the female to ask for sex more often. Over time the frequent sex would tend to produce less excitement for the male and extend the time to ejaculation. Part of the lower excitement would be the availability of the female. The female could almost regulate the time to ejaculation. Females rarely realize the amount of their influence on their relationships.

In these cases there are anger cycles going on. The male and female are usually upset that the male comes too early. There may be many other conscious and unconscious issues for both the male and the female to be upset. A habit of forgiveness for both parts of the system will slowly change the dynamics of the relationship. When one part of the relationship does not want to forgive, the other part can and will begin to change the relationship or the other will not like the dynamics of forgiveness. They will increase in upset until they have to separate.

The Good Life is recovery from Pedophilia.

First go back to where I left off last week.

What is more likely to work is something that does not hurt yourself or others. The reason is that hurting someone, is a deeper thing to clear. What we all really need, is more nurturing from ourselves. But, we do not usually get over something by staying away from it, we usually get over it, by too much of it. That is another spiritual paradox.

We get sick and tired of being sick and tired over something that becomes meaningless, as we get desensitized to that thing. Am I saying to drink alcohol or anything like that idea? Of course not. The fact is that we do not need alcohol to get drunk. Enough experiments have been done to prove that when people think that it is alcohol, most get drunk. Then the problem is not the alcohol, it is the mind that is hypnotized to get drunk. The problem is not the items that turn on the mind, it is the programs in the mind. The cure is to reprogram the mind. To dehypnotize the mind.

How can the mind reprogram the mind? Very hard by definition, if all we had was the mind. But we have far vaster resources to discover, than our mind. We have a spiritual connection to the lord most high within ourselves in our heart of hearts. That is a large part of what I have been writing about for these years. That resource knows how to reprogram our mind. That resource knows the best teachers for us. That resource knows the best books for us. That resource knows the best ways to desensitize us to the source of our addictions. For some, that could be pretending to do the things that get them going. The pretending would be after invoking their connection to the lord most high within and doing so with increasing awareness and patience until that pretending is no longer needed and they are free of that. Pretending to get drunk or sexually excited over some silly thing could get boring pretty fast. Not doing it gives the desire more strength.

Pretending too much makes it easier and easier to say no. Then, on to the next thing.

Thursday 15 May 2003

The Good Life is recovery from Dyspareunia.

DSM [302.76] "Dyspareunia" is defined as pain from intercourse for either a male or female. Pain is just an emotion of high volume. Pain is an expression of a difference between what we are experiencing, and what we want to experience. Sometimes that is when we want to experience health and we need healing.

There are many possibilities of things in the mind, that can cause pain during sexual intercourse. Some thoughts are that we "should" not be doing this or enjoying this. A false thought since we are designed to have a pleasure feedback that is designed to insure we follow our biological imperatives. The male has the biological imperative to father children and the female has the biological imperative to nest and nurture.

You can make up your own thoughts that could cause emotions to the level of pain. There is even the thoughts that cause the genetic aging that can dry us up. The neat thing about pain ,is that tells the holy spirit what needs healing. Knowing this, can lead to easier healing just like we healed faster as children

Friday 9 May 2003

The Good Life is recovery from Vaginismus.

DSM [302.51 "Vaginismus" is defined as involuntary spasm of the muscles at the entrance to the vagina that prevents intimacy. We have all experienced involuntary spasms. We usually did not know the source of the spasm. In that case it comes from our unconscious. Yet in these cases, we can guess. We can see that part of the person, by definition, does not want some form of intimacy. One way we can know why that part is not wanting intimacy is to become intimate with that part. One way to do that is to use a gestalt process where that part gets to sit in another chair and speak and the conscious part gets to sit in another chair and lovingly ask questions. After we find the good intention of that part, we can explore for a higher way or more important way to accomplish that good intention. We can see how this part wants to cooperate with higher ways. We can explore for other parts that are not in alignment and see what it would take to get them in alignment.

You may see that this kind of generic process could apply to other challenges including those with other persons.

Very Respectfully,

Michael

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