Daily Steps On Our Road to Recovery for Week of 5 May 2003

Published Last Week. Page Down, for each day that is added a day at a time

Monday 5 May 2003

The Good Life is recovery from Illnesses.

Another break from the "disorders" of the DSM-III Desk Reference. Today I am ordering another book for my library. It is What's Your Type?: How Blood Types Are the Keys to Unlocking Your Personality by Peter Constantine. The books A Path to Healing and Eat Right 4 Your Type both start to describe how each blood type has a personality type associated with each blood type. This book goes into greater detail. Although we are more complex than this, this is a good place to start.

Some people seem to also fit their astrological profile. In addition we also can be described by a variable percentage of the 9 enneagram types. This tells me that we are definitely more vast than any simple system. However, I believe that healing the blood type personality first could be of tremendous benefit.

Tuesday 6 May 2003

The Good Life is recovery from using Other Sexual Paraphilia.

DSM [302.90] "Paraphilia Not Otherwise Specified" that is is defined as sexual urges to need something else than has been previously mentioned in the DSM in their sexual acts for over six months. Reminds me of the catch all clause in the Uniform Code of Military Justice. That is where anything "they" say brings an unfavorable light on the service, is cause to try you. Here the DSM has examples of needs like talking dirty over the phone, corpses, parts of the body, animals, feces, urine, and enemas.

Actually it does not matter what the unusual need is. The needs are just a reflection of a spiritual need, to get clear of the needs. Clear of the need, means freedom from the need. In fact some religions define freedom from all sex as a height of attainment. I'll define it as a freedom from the need to find satisfaction through just sex and having the freedom to find satisfaction everywhere.

Some say that get there you need to use the common sense response of "Just Say No". And, in a few cases that may work, by saying no enough times. And, in saying no enough times they, you may not become more spiritually alive, you may just become more spiritually dead. So, you may have not solved your problem. When someone scratch you deep enough your lust and anger may flow through the dam you built. The way of the ascetic, rarely works in real life.

Finding your way to a God that always says yes or later, by just saying no, is not likely to work.

Wednesday 7 May 2003

What I am going through now is the DSM-III-R Desk Reference a "disorder" at a time and commenting on the spiritual and recovery aspects. The DSM is what the American Psychiatric Association uses to label symptoms to facilitate communication in their community. Unfortunately, the labeling from the DSM can shut down communication with those seeking temporary assistance and spread the stigmas of mental illness. The DSM can also bring some comfort by telling some that others have had the same experience. I am adding additional comfort by pointing to some ways to start getting out of the "disorders". I am not writing about cures. I am writing about how the cure process works over time. Instantaneous cures can be as traumatic as the original event that generated the disorder or illness.

The Good Life is recovery from Pedophilia.

First go back to where I left off last week.

What is more likely to work is something that does not hurt yourself or others. The reason is that hurting someone, is a deeper thing to clear. What we all really need, is more nurturing from ourselves. But, we do not usually get over something by staying away from it, we usually get over it, by too much of it. That is another spiritual paradox.

We get sick and tired of being sick and tired over something that becomes meaningless, as we get desensitized to that thing. Am I saying to drink alcohol or anything like that idea? Of course not. The fact is that we do not need alcohol to get drunk. Enough experiments have been done to prove that when people think that it is alcohol, most get drunk. Then the problem is not the alcohol, it is the mind that is hypnotized to get drunk. The problem is not the items that turn on the mind, it is the programs in the mind. The cure is to reprogram the mind. To dehypnotize the mind.

How can the mind reprogram the mind? Very hard by definition, if all we had was the mind. But we have far vaster resources to discover, than our mind. We have a spiritual connection to the lord most high within ourselves in our heart of hearts. That is a large part of what I have been writing about for these years. That resource knows how to reprogram our mind. That resource knows the best teachers for us. That resource knows the best books for us. That resource knows the best ways to desensitize us to the source of our addictions. For some, that could be pretending to do the things that get them going. The pretending would be after invoking their connection to the lord most high within and doing so with increasing awareness and patience until that pretending is no longer needed and they are free of that. Pretending to get drunk or sexually excited over some silly thing could get boring pretty fast. Not doing it gives the desire more strength.

Pretending too much makes it easier and easier to say no. Then, on to the next thing.

Thursday 8 May 2003

The Good Life is recovery from loony government ideas.

Remember the Tulip mania? The bubble burst when someone thought a tulip bulb was an onion and took a bite out of it. Remember the Internet mania? The bubble burst when many noticed that most Internet businesses were unlikely to make money. Remember the Enron mania? The bubble burst when it was discovered that Enron was cooking their books. Remember the Hydrogen mania? Oh, that's right, the bubble has not burst yet. Many people have not yet discovered that it is not feasible to get to energy independence using Hydrogen. Even the Rocket Scientists have given up on Hydrogen for Rockets.

Friday 9 May 2003

The Good Life is recovery from Low Sexual Desire and Aversion.

The DSM-III Desk Reference on page 164 ask the person doing the diagnosis to specify whether the sexual dysfunction is psychogenic and or biogenic, lifelong or acquired, generalized or situational. Those decisions are not reasonable ones to ask anyone to determine. I can safely say that all disorders are both psychogenic and biogenic since the mind is connected to the body anyway. Telling someone that any disorder is lifelong is not fair, because that tends to be self fulfilling and because miracles happen often. Telling some people that they acquired their disorder, could tell them that they could unacquire it. When they are not aware of something, it is harder to get over it. What do you think it matters whether the sexual "disorder" is generalized or situational.

Now on to the next defined "disorder" This one is [302.71] "Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder". That is where there is a persistent lack of sexual desire and fantasies and not depression or something like that. Here we have an official disorder for what many monks and ascetics and spiritual aspirants hope to arrive at. I find that amusing. Of course it is not amusing to the sexual partner, not getting any sex, from one who has arrived or is arriving enough to being used by spirit for other priorities. In this case it is still sexual desire for intimacy, it is just intimacy at a higher level. The sexual desire may not be visible to the therapist or even to the person with the "disorder" and certainly not to their sexual partner.

There may be other things going on. Their unconscious may be blocked so that there are no fantasies for the unconscious to communicate to the conscious. The unconscious may even be gone and the person may be fully conscious. It may be somewhere in between these extremes. Something to explore. It goes like this. What is the symptom getting you that you consciously or unconsciously want? Do you want to change? How much do you want to change? What are you going to have to do to change? When you are ready to change you are ready to learn new skills that create change.

[302.72] "Sexual Aversion Disorder" is defined as a desire to not have genital sexual contact. In a way that is fear of sex, fear of loving another, fear of loving self. This could even have its roots in a fear of not being "spiritual". This could have its roots in anger towards the sexual partner that has its roots in anger towards self. Either extreme, a complete aversion or a complete attraction are at the ends of the sexual spectrum. Balance is in the middle. Both ends of the spectrum are related to each other like heads on one side of a coin and tails on the other.

When there is a fear of loving self, that is the time to learn how to love yourself. How can we learn to love ourselves? One way is to start saying: "I am a child of God learning how to love myself like God loves me." Then keep saying that until you are experiencing that.

When there is a fear of loving others, that is the time to learn how to love others. How can we learn to love others? One way is to start saying: "I am a child of God learning how to love others like God loves them." Then keep saying that until you are experiencing that.

When there is a fear of sex, that is the time to learn how to also experience your sexual self, when that is what your want. When you want to experience life at a higher level of sexuality that is also fine. The question always is, what do you really want? Once we determine what we really want we can make up the saying that gets us there. One way is to start saying: "I am a child of God learning how to ______ like God loves _____." Then keep saying that until you are experiencing that.

Of course when there is anger, there is a need for forgiveness. That is the time to start with what is on the card below.

Very Respectfully,

Michael

When you would like ask questions, or contribute some of your wisdom, or want to make some comments or tell your success stories, click Michael Foster, M. A.

I appreciate any feedback, questions and suggestions that you have.

Directory of Directories & Lists

I am continuing a Directory of Directories. Please tell me your favorites.

Leadership

I am starting a page on leadership. My first link is to some articles by

Steven Covey. His book is in my recommended books library.

When you would like a free rare newsletter with coach's hints on a single subject, click RBD's Free Monthly Newsletter Registration Form.

A daily hint has published each day since June 1996. This is past my fifth year anniversary, since starting my web pages. I started my daily page, because it is useful for me to look for some recovery tip or secret each day for my spiritual growth. we and I only need one secret to work on and let it work on us each day. They are secrets because they are usually the opposite of what the majority of society teaches. They must be secret because they are not commonly used. A friend of mine once said "Common Sense is not much in Common.". Now that I have grandchildren I am also writing for them. I would have really liked for my grandparents and my parents to have passed on more of what they learned.

What is happening now?

I now have completed my second copy of my two CDROM's, full of free programs, for my college class. I am sending my current version, to anyone that sends me $7.

(301) 668-9965 and http://www.recoverybydiscovery.com